Thursday, March 25, 2010

Universally Bad Movies (and How They Could've Been Avoided - Maybe)

As anyone can tell from reading my blog posts, I am a very positive happy person. I don't really like leaving negative reviews because even if "I" think it's a bad film, your own personal experience of the viewing might be different.

And then there's those movies that are just so bad that everyone agrees on a universal level that they're just bad movies. Here are a few of those turkeys ad what could've been done to avoid their unavoidable Razzies.

  • Why do studios insist on making these parody movies? From what I read, a huge majority of audience members hate them and they make no money. However, there is an audience for these parody movies - and I use the term "parody" loosely - so the studios churn them out. There are some gems in these pieces of garbage though, namely Dance Flick, Scary Movie and it's sequels and Date Movie. Disaster Movie was one that I think could've been much better than it actually was - with a few tweeking of course.
  • First of all, the title needs to go. The main focus of it's mocking had almost nothing to do with disaster movies. This movie mocked High School Musical, Juno and Enchanted among others. I would've called it Summer Movie, or Tween Movie. Although if it was called Tween Movie that would limit it to a certain age of audience, eliminating more than half of it's most effective gags.
  • I would also have eliminated a really lame joke in which The Disney Princess is revealed to really be a man. I think it takes away from the great comedic work that Nicole Parker put into that character. I also would've given her more scenes, rendering Kim Kardashian's role almost pointless. I also would've given the character of Juney more to do. A Juno satire played by Crista Flanagan should never go to waste.
  • I am going to be completely honest here (Wow I sound like Simon Cowell). The only thing that worked for me in this movie was that mentally challenged younger brother that Ben and Jen were watching after, played by Justin Bartha. That decision of course has nothing to do with my attraction to dopey guys. Give him more scenes and lose the lesbian subplot and you have a somewhat passable movie.


  • Oh Mariah. Girl what happened? So this movie was a mess, and that is so sad because it started off as really promising and then gradually became a huge glittery mess. Edward glitter. So what could've helped this movie?
  • I would've made it a tad more gritty. It looked way too polished and artificial. I know it's called Glitter, but come on, we have to believe in the world our characters inhabit.
  • I would've nixed the abandoned mother subplot. It was almost non-existent. Throughout the movie, Billie is looking for her mother while becoming an 80s Pop Icon. Instead of all of that, I would've had Billie (Mariah's character) purposely try to avoid her mother for abandoning her, and then realize at the end that family is all she can really have. I would have her decide for herself that it's time to patch things up with her mother so she herself can be a full person. That would make Billie a more active character.


  • First things first. Lose Bane.
  • Next, I was all right with the bright colors of the movie, the nipples on the costumes, the enlarged cod pieces, and even the homoerotic nature of it all. Well, I am still me. What I wasn't okay with was how Batgirl wasn't Batgirl. It's almost as if the director forgot that Alicia Silverston can actually act so he just told her to be herself. Not a good move Joel Schumacher. Also, I can make peace with the fact that they changed her into Alfred's niece as opposed to Commissioner Gordon's daughter, but at least make her "look" like Batgirl. The costume was all wrong, her dialogue was all wrong and her hair was all wrong. You can mess with a lot of things in this franchise, but don't mess with hair color. Batgirl is a REDHEAD!!!! Can you imagine if they made Batman a blonde? No I don't think so.
  • Give the rest of the characters more development and you've got your movie. Of course there's no way it could even compare to Dark Knight.
  • The editing in this movie was crap. Characters would talk and the camera would either be too late to catch it, or to close up to absorb what's happening. So a new editor is a must.
  • As much as I love Halle Berry, if she really wanted to do Catwoman justice, I would've made a reboot as opposed to a spin-off. Instead of being Patience Price, I would've had her as everyone's favorite feline gal, Selina Kyle and I would've set the movie in Gotham City. I also would've lost the schizo aspect of the character that they thought would work for this film. It didn't work.
  • Maybe Halle will keep this in mind when she makes that Catwoman sequel she's been talking about producing.


  • Wow was this movie trying so hard to be good, and ultimately failing in every aspect. It contained individual scenes that worked on their own, but as a whole, this movie was so bad. This movie is probably the reason why studios started to take caution in making movie musicals. Well, this movie and Grease 2.
  • So what could've helped this mess that is Xanadu? Pretty much a lot of it's faults were already fixed in the recent stage adaptation of said movie. Characters were fleshed out and made self aware, Mt. Olympus was now Mt. Olympus and not a set reject from Tron, villains were added, song placement made sense. That's all it needed. Now if only they can remake it? Hear that Adam Shankman?
I had more on this list (From Justin to Kelly, The Hottie and the Nottie, etc.), but the changes I wanted to list became repetitive. Pretty much, the majority of bad movies out there lack focus and lack character development, or they rely too much on star power and hype. Here's a tip Hollywood: Marketing a film isn't what makes a movie, a good movie sells itself.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please leave some comments